Tendons outstretched towards fingers,
touching, feeling blissful enrapture
as her breath grew hotter and closer,
where I can read love letters in her eyes.
Sinews of our skin rippling against an
August breeze coming off the coast--
us standing here tonight, unflinching
and letting warmth envelop us.
My lips pulling strings to your heart,
unlocking the treasure within - seeing
glimmers of your smile as you retract your
lips to meet mine in an embrace.
©2008-2009 *LilithLairPoetry
Details
Submitted: May 8, 2008
File Size: 615 bytes
Image Size: 9.9 KB
Resolution: 400×158
Comments: 18
Favourites & Collections: 7 [who?]
Views
Total: 156
Today: 0
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Total: 4
Today: 0
Thumb
Submitted: May 8, 2008
File Size: 615 bytes
Image Size: 9.9 KB
Resolution: 400×158
Comments: 18
Favourites & Collections: 7 [who?]
Views
Total: 156
Today: 0
Downloads
Total: 4
Today: 0
Thumb
Author's Comments
Revised edition of an old poem. Flows better than before and has connection with the writer and his muse. Enjoy, comment and fav+ appreciated!
Omitted last stanza since the third one pretty much was a finisher.
Thanks for the suggestions guys!
Omitted last stanza since the third one pretty much was a finisher.
Thanks for the suggestions guys! Devious Comments
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CommentsBeautiful!
 -- "The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him... The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself... All progress depends on the unreasonable man." --George Bernard Shaw [link] I have not seen the old work so my comments may be in vain, but it flows really well, I love the building...with a sense of ebb and flow. It is a romance piece that should be admired. Great work!!
 -- TVD AND DA!! KEEP THE PEACE AND THE ART ALIVE! Visit TVD on dA HERE: [link] Visit my fav chat HERE: [link] Visit my gallery HERE: [link] Thanks! I do not think that the last verse flows that well with the rest of the poem, but other than that, I like it. Great read.
-- "And the pink rims, like nipples on an albino chest." - `Navagon Stock: ~danimax-stock I enjoyed this a lot, but I have to agree with M-PlayC3ll, the end doesn't fit to me. The word "soliloquy" is what sticks out to me. Loved it ^^
-- Since we met when I was hurt and broken Once the pain was gone it's almost like we were drifting apart... A Place of Feeling [link] very beautiful
-- [link] There is beauty in everything....only some are lucky enough to find it  we should count ourselves lucky!Thanks for reading Teresa! Much appreciated.
-- Necrophilia, the sudden urge to crack open a cold one! Thanks for reading! I decided to take out the ending entirely since the finisher was in the third stanza. The last stanza was just excess.
-- Necrophilia, the sudden urge to crack open a cold one! I decided to omit it since soliloquy didn't match and a whole bunch of other shit didn't match the overall theme of the piece. Thanks for the comments and fav.
-- Necrophilia, the sudden urge to crack open a cold one! Thanks Kitty!
 The old piece was too rigid, so I did a touch up and sentence changes in this one and knew I had to come up with a better title. Since the flow is like conducting an orchestra, and the poem is at a climaxing moment.-- Necrophilia, the sudden urge to crack open a cold one! |
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